Self-Care: Beyond the Massage - Part III

I remember times in my life when I wanted to initiate a conversation with someone around a difficult topic. But I didn’t.

Why?

Because I experienced feelings of guilt. Some of these sounded like, I feel guilty because …

• I’m thinking of my own wants and needs.

• I might make the other person feel bad.

• I could cause the other person to be uncomfortable.

Can you relate?

As I continued to grow my confidence for communicating openly, honestly, and authentically, I knew it would benefit me to search deeply rooted feelings and figure out what the guilt was telling me.

Can you guess what I found simmering beneath, “I’m not saying anything because I feel guilty?”

Fear.

I believe that oftentimes, guilt is just fear in disguise.

How would you fill in the blanks in these two sentences?

I would really like to ask for (or talk about) ________ but I feel guilty when I think about it. I’m afraid that (s)he will think _________.

The first sentence is your surface thought. The second one takes you to a deeper place. You must resolve the inner conflict at this deeper level if you want to have meaningful connection, collaboration, and resolution around a topic.

Over the years, I could have filled in the first blank in many ways. But when I stopped and asked myself to look deeper, one thing stood out for me.

I was afraid I would lose love and connection with someone important to me.

In those years, the thought of losing my connection with someone was so frightening that it was easier to live with the pain of an unfulfilling and unhappy life.

When I embraced that it was possible to have both a fulfilling and happy life and connect with important people in open and authentic ways, then I was willing to have those difficult conversations.

Even when I had to be the one to say, “We need to talk.”