Go Ahead and Avoid That Conflict - Yes, For Real

Typically when I’m sharing thoughts about conflict, it’s about choosing not to avoid it and to work it through to resolution instead. Today, I want to share another meaning of the phrase, “avoiding conflict.”

When we avoid conflict, it's because we don’t like it. Of course, you realize, no one really does. Oh, some are more courageous about it; less afraid of it. But I don’t know anyone who says, “I like conflict; bring it on!”

But, what if you could actually avoid it to begin with? Well, at least some of it. You must like the sounds of that - I know I sure do!

When I think about the ways we can avoid conflict without giving up things like our wants, needs, and core values, I am reminded of this quote from Ram Dass:

If you go out in the woods and look at trees, some trees are gnarled and some are straight. Some are flowering and some are barren, and you just look with appreciation at the differences. You neither judge nor react. You don’t necessarily hate that tree and love that tree. But the minute you get around people it’s all different. So I would suggest you treat people like trees.

How much would your relationship with someone improve if you were to shift your perspective and make a choice to see something from their point of view? What if you were to stop seeing issues from a place of “right/wrong” or “good/bad” but rather “different”? It doesn’t mean giving up what you think or feel. It simply means, “For this moment, I will view it from their vantage point?”

Why? Because your relationship with that person is more important than being right.

If you want to dig your heels in and demand that something is viewed, discussed, or done your way, you can. But the conflict will never go away. Even if the other person gives in but hides their true thoughts and feelings, that’s not resolution.

Or you can choose to see it from their point of view.

Now you have a strong foundation to talk, resolve and move forward.