Are You Missing the Message?

Written communication.

I recently received a text message that seemed short and abrupt. I read it to my husband. As I did, I added the intonation I believed appropriate for the text.

There are a few key words in those two sentences:

1) “Seemed” short and abrupt: This was my interpretation. Was it fact?

2) “Added” the intonation: In other words, I chose the intonation to overlay on the content. Was that intonation accurate?

3) “Believed” appropriate: What I believed is not necessarily the same as truth. It may or may have been what was intended.

I also believed all of this was directed at me personally.

My husband supportively questioned whether or not I was interpreting the text as it was intended, asking, “Was it truly directed at you?” He prompted me to check in on my thoughts.

In our world of email, text, and social media communications, we often only have written words. Sometimes we get an emoji or an LOL, but for the most part, it’s just words. In these times, it’s critical to be aware of how we are filtering those words and what meaning we are attaching to them.

Consider that only 7% of a message is in the words we say. If we can’t hear the intonation or see the body language, then we are adding those things ourselves. But if you are first filtering the message through fear, self-doubt, or other vulnerability, it could be leading to misunderstanding, conflict, or lost connection with someone.

Are you attaching the intended meaning or are you altering it?

When you receive written content, acknowledge that you only have 7% of the message. Then ask, “How am I interpreting the other 93%?” And, “How is this interpretation impacting my actions?”

For my situation, I had a conversation with this person. In it, I learned that yes, her text was short and abrupt. But it wasn’t directed at me but rather at a situation. She had answered a question I asked her, but her frustration was not with me. This is very different from, “She’s angry with me.”

If you discover you have done something that caused friction, you have a foundation to talk and find resolution.

You may also find it wasn’t you after all.