When Saying ‘No’ Brings Discomfort

In the past six months, I have had an equal number of big, important choices to make. These decisions were around things I possibly wanted to do. The key word is “possibly.” None of them were bad. All of them had value.

But were they the best for me; for my business; and for my life? That was an answer I would only know when I ask questions and learned more details about each.

There was one (kinda big!) glitch that caused me to procrastinate. It was a glitch I only recognize in retrospect.

If I were to move forward in my research and asking questions, I might want to say ‘yes’.

Then again, I might want to say ‘no.’

There’s the glitch because there’s the fear. What if I explore with this person and decide my answer is ‘no’?

Yikes!! Then I have to tell them.

What will I say? How will (s)he react? Will this damage a relationship whether an important one or a relatively minor one?

On the surface, I could tell you, “It’s not a big deal; it’s OK to say ‘no’ to something.” But, deep down, where fear resides, it lurked.

Well, here’s what I decided for each of my six options.

#1 – Yes.
#2 – Yes.
#6 – Yes.

But wait, what about #’s 3, 4 and 5?

Two of them were a solid ‘no.’ One of them was, “I’m sorry I can’t commit to that, but I could do ….” to which the person replied, “Yes, that would be great; glad to have you on-board.”

I encourage you to take some time to reflect, and ask yourself, “Am I procrastinating on making a decision, even gathering the data to make that decision, out of fear I might want to decline?” “Am I living with the discomfort of constantly thinking, “Maybe I should do ’this’ or maybe I should do ‘that’ ….” but never making a commitment?”

I said ‘yes’ to three things all of which were good answers for me.

I also learned some things about saying ‘no’ when something isn’t for me:

· I wasn’t struck by lightning. OK just a bit of humor. But, seriously, what do you believe is going to happen if you say ‘no’ to something?

· No relationships were damaged; not even the minor ones. One was even strengthened.

· I have more confidence for the next time I want to ask not knowing what my answer will be; I’m not afraid of saying “no” or “not at this time.”

· I trust that with just a little thought, I have the words to kindly and respectfully decline without hurting feelings.

And maybe the biggest thing of all …

I am at peace.

There’s no wondering, “Should I ….?” I haven’t agreed to doing something I don’t really want to do or believe is best for me. And, I don’t feel stuck.

I’ve moved forward on the three yes things. I’ve put the other three behind me.

And I am peace.