They’re on the Negativity Train

In the past few weeks, I’ve talked with business coaches and direct sales leaders who were all sharing the same struggle.  It sounded something like:

Every time I talk with this person, they take our conversation down a path of complaining, blaming, and making excuses. When I redirect us back on track, they derail the conversation – again.  It’s exhausting and frustrating.

They each ask me, “Do you have any suggestions for how to keep my client calls on target and productive?”

I individualized my suggestions for each person.

And then I realized that these things really don’t just apply to coaching situations but can be valuable for any conversation when you want to be supportive and caring but the other person wants to ride the negativity train.

When you’re in a situation such as this, try these three things:

1)    Identify and adapt to different personalities: The things that are super inspiring to one person may not even move the gauge of another.  When you’re able to recognize an individual’s stressors and motivators, you can adapt your coaching (and other conversations) to match their style.  When someone is functioning in the way that works best for them, they’re much more inclined to do what’s needed to help themselves and make positive changes in their life/business.

2)    Resist the tendency to “tell”: As a coach or caring friend/family member, there will always be times you share, i.e. tell, a new idea with the intention of helping the other person. But when you recognize this person is in resistance, it’s time to swallow your frustration and release any tendency to tell them what they “have to” do. Instead, engage in listening to understand their perspective.  When they know you hear them, they’ll be more open to hearing you.

3)    Recognize their wants: Identify what this person most wants for their life. When they begin to wander down a negative path, re-engage them in what they want for themselves and the other people around them. Bringing their wants back to the forefront will help inspire them to get back on track.

Regardless of the ideas you are ready to share, coaching, leading, or supporting any individual takes a mastery of effective speaking and listening. Without honing your own communication skills, those wonderful ideas you want to share will sit idle while this person continues on the path of complaining.

You’ll find yourself withdrawing in frustration.  Your gifts and talents for making a difference in someone’s life … won’t.

Your client (friend, loved one…) will still be complaining.  Except, chances are, you’ll be the one they’re blaming and angry with because after all, you couldn’t help them.

You can let this happen.

Or you can lead the conversation in a new direction.