The Ways We Each Approach Life

I have a new client.  But first, let me tell you about her husband.

He is, what you could call, a go-getter.  He is comfortable with risk, and he trusts he can shift as needed as he pursues his business (or new business idea).

The opposite of being risk tolerant, my client favors having a sense of stability. She is more likely to think about questions that start with the words, “But what if….” although isn’t likely to ask those questions out loud.

Her husband would like to have more support from her. She has a nurturing style and so when she says, “It’s fine” she believes she is giving him support.

As we explored these types of issues together, it became clear that hearing “It’s fine” is not the support he’s looking for.  And “It’s fine” is not actually what she’s thinking.  But she wants to be supportive, so she doesn’t express her true thoughts.

The first step has been to help her understand the differences in how they approach life.  One is not “right” and the other, “wrong,” but rather that risk-taking go-getters and stability-seeking nurturers both have value, and those styles can complement one another rather than be in conflict.  Neither has to give up their personal style but rather learn how to blend the strengths of each.

The next step is to help her learn how to express what she is thinking in open and honest ways.  And to discover that being supportive isn’t defined as always going along with ideas.  But rather, to genuinely engage in conversation, collaboration and brainstorming.

To engage in true connection.