Communication Thru the Ages
Last year, I was interviewed for a weekly radio segment, “Spotlight on Seniors.” The topic was communication and how our needs change across the decades of our lives.
We talked about communication with medical professionals. We covered the value of open conversation between aging adults and their grown children.
“What about communication with spouses,” my friend and guest host, Chris Cosky of B Well Nation Fitness Center asked.
“Ah, yes, communication between spouses; so important” I started.
As with any other situation in a marriage, two people bring their own beliefs and desires into the later decades of their life together. Sometimes these are the same. Other times, they’re different. Maybe even very different.
“We just need to accept the limitations of our aging bodies” says one as another bite of pie is eaten and the TV is turned on. “But, if we exercise, eat healthy, and take care of our bodies, we can have a much more active and meaningful life” says the other heading out to the gym or new golf lessons.
“Let’s move to Florida when we retire” one declares as the other says, “This has always been home to me, and I want to stay here.”
“I want to work until I’m 75 – it will keep me young” says one as the other states, “Once I can collect social security, I’m done.”
When these differences (or any differences around “What I want is ….”) come into a marriage, strong communication skills are needed to create closeness rather than division.
Here are three tips to help navigate your differences:
1) Avoid using words of judgment: These sound like, “Well, we should . . .” or worse yet, “YOU should . . .” It’s letting your words and intonation send a message of “I’m right, you’re wrong” or “My way is the best way.” Using words that reflect judgment and not being open to the thoughts and feelings of the other will be met with resistance. Every time.
2) Explore each of your perspectives together: Be willing to entertain an awareness of, “I know my spouse has a reason for feeling this way; let me focus on understanding their point of view.” When you take time to hear what each other wants, you create a foundation for finding a satisfying place of collaboration.
3) Embrace a mindset of sharing: Communication isn’t about convincing the other to see things your way. It’s about searching together to reach a place of awareness and acceptance.
Every season of life has it’s ups and downs, it’s joys and its challenges.
When you handle these with openness and awareness not only of self but of your partner as well, then a more meaningful and satisfying relationship emerges.
Even when you’re in your later decades.