The Power of Word Choices: Reframing for Control and Clarity

Several years ago, I had a mentor named George who taught me invaluable lessons about shifting perspectives in life, business, and relationships. One of the most impactful insights he shared was about the power of word choices and how they shape our experiences. I’ve carried those lessons with me ever since.

One evening over dinner, George shared an interesting approach he used when the server asked, "Do you want any dessert?" Instead of saying, "I don't want any," he would respond, "I want dessert, but I'm choosing not to have it this time."

George explained that if he claimed he didn't want dessert, it would be a lie—because truthfully, he did want it. However, by choosing to say, "I'm choosing not to," he acknowledged his desire while taking responsibility for a decision aligned with his health and goals. That subtle shift—from denial to intentional choice—reinforced his sense of control and self-honesty.

Shifting “Have to” and “Need to” to Empowering Choices

Inspired by George's wisdom, I often encourage my clients to reconsider their use of words like "have to," "need to," and "should." These words imply obligation and often stir up resistance, stress, or guilt. When we frame our actions as things we "want to" or "choose to" do, we reclaim ownership and reduce the emotional burden.

For example, switching from "I have to work out" to "I want to take care of my body" makes a world of difference. Sometimes, when motivation is low, it can be even more empowering to say, "I’m choosing to work out because it’s important for my health."

Adding a meaningful reason—your “why”—can deepen the impact. Try saying, "Even though I don’t feel like exercising, I’m choosing to do it because it helps me stay energized and focused." This structure creates alignment between your choices and long-term values.

Words Shape Habits—and Results

On some days, I find myself wanting sugary treats, extra naps, or endless social media scrolling. But I know those choices won’t lead me toward my most important goals. It’s not about denying these desires—it’s about choosing actions that support the life I truly want to live.

When we make intentional word shifts, even small ones, we move from a mindset of obligation to one of empowerment. Whether it's skipping dessert or tackling a tough task, the words we use matter. They shape how we feel, what we do, and ultimately, who we become.

When the “dessert” is calling your name, you may choose to say “yes.”  Or, you may choose to say, “no, thank you.”  But, when any form of “dessert” tempts you, always remember the choice is yours.  

And then choose wisely.