How to Adapt Your Storytelling Style: Conversations with an Agenda-Driven Boss

“I wish I had more confidence.”  💥

I often hear these words from my clients.  Heck, let’s be honest, I’ve often said them myself over the years.

The words remind me of an Administrative Assistant who was one of my clients several years ago.  It was pre-2020 and she wanted to make a request to her boss to work remotely 3 days a week.  She went on to explain she actually needed to ask two bosses.  She wasn’t having any problem asking one of them and, in fact, already had and received an easy, “Yes, it’s fine.”

“If only I could have more confidence to ask the other one,” she continued. 

“Tell me about him,” I prompted.

As she described him, it became clear that he was a very agenda driven person and stayed on task throughout the workday. My client, on the other hand, was a talkative storyteller.  She most readily connected with people by openly sharing. And she didn’t understand the difference between his agenda driven style and her talkative style.

As she processed his responses, (or lack of responses would be more accurate), she attached two meanings: 1) he doesn’t like me, and 2) he doesn’t think I’m doing a good job.  Imagine, with these beliefs, the challenge of being confident in her interactions with him.

I made the suggestion to her that the next time she was meeting with him, to take a list of questions but not tell stories or add any unrelated or unnecessary detail.  To stick to the agenda, get the answers she needed, and save her sharing for her other boss who totally related to it.  I suggested she save the stories to share with me, or her sister, or her husband, or with other people that appreciated that kind of interaction.

And she did.

She shifted how she related to him.  In a very short period of time, she discovered two things:  1)  he very much liked her and, 2) he thought she was doing an excellent job.

And he easily approved her request to work from home three days a week.

The last time I talked with her she said their relationship had totally changed and she was quite happy in how they worked together.

She didn’t become more confident by continuing to do what she had always done.

She chose instead to shift her behaviors for the benefit of the working relationship.

And, in doing so, discovered her confidence.

She still told her stories. 🗣️

Just not to her agenda-driven boss.  📃