Frozen Waffles and Communication

My husband is in a bowling league.

On the evenings he bowls, he arrives home later than usual.  So much later that I’m often already sleeping.

He likes to make himself something to eat when he gets home.  We try to plan for this by having something in the refrigerator so all he has to do is heat it.  Usually, it’s leftovers from the evening before. 

But, sometimes, we don’t plan well and there’s nothing in the ‘fridge for him.  And, he always says, “Don’t worry about it, I’ll just make some frozen waffles.”

This happened recently when we had fully consumed our football weekend tacos.  As he routinely does, he offered that he would eat frozen waffles.  My first reply was, “I hate when you eat frozen waffles.”

I quickly realized that I sounded accusatory, as if I was criticizing him.  But I also quickly realized that wasn’t my intent.  I corrected my statement to, “I hate when there’s nothing in the fridge for you to eat and your only option is frozen waffles.”

There is a huge difference between these two statements.  One seems like I’m judging and criticizing.  The other is an honest expression of my heart as his wife.

One was quick, only needed a few words, and offered as I was distracted with other things.  The other was longer, took a few more words to express completely.  It required a pause on my part to tune in and give full expression to my thought and emotion.

It is important when we want to avoid miscommunication and misunderstandings that we communicate fully – and specifically – our thoughts and emotions.  Sometimes it takes a few more seconds to connect with where our mind is in the moment.  And it may take a few extra words to express ourselves accurately.

But when we do, we discover that we avoid misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and defensive responses. When we do, we connect in meaningful and honest ways.

Even when the topic is just frozen waffles.